Yesterday, I sat thinking about you and realized that you are not everything you aspired to be a few years ago. You're content in this world of yours that gives you less and almost nothing in comparison to what you wanted for yourself. You sit satisfied with the friends you've made, the lack of intellectual progress that you are making and the thought of the life that you might one, some day, make.
Do you not feel disgusted with yourself? Do you not feel unintelligent, far from ambitious and a pitiful version of an 18 year old?
I know you do.
I also know that you are not trying hard enough. Your capability to do so much more is just sitting within you, confined to a corner, gagged and hand bound.
Pull her out and make yourself everything you wanted to be. Make yourself larger than your life. You're young, you're 'hot-blooded' (as your mother would say), you're NOT unintelligent (even if that's how you feel), you have ambition and you have a little talent too (I think). So what's lacking, you ask?
Drive. You lack the drive and will power to throw aside all these senseless activities of yours and make some room for improvement.
In the last 2 years, you've gone through some extreme emotional change and situations. There's been pain, heartache, excessive happiness, hopes being squashed yada yada but you came out of it. I am no one to talk since these topics are usually controlled, ruled and addressed by your heart but I understood it.
I also understood that you stood above it all.
You rose above it all.
And now, I think it's time for you to make a change and become everything you want to be.
Get off your lazy behind, quit procrastinating, do your work and put all that ambition and teensy bit of talent to use!
You know you can do it.
Your Conscience (a.k.a Your Better Half).