Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Terror.

I'm scared.
I'm petrified.

I'm in a deja-vu-ish situation and I have no one to talk to about it.

There is no one to help ease my tension. I do not know which way to turn.
I might get an answer today... I can only hope it's the right one.

And if it isn't... my world is going to crumble.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Conferences, Dizziness and Dancing!

Yesterday was brilliant.

I went to Christ University for a literature fest (which landed up being very ill-organized except for the band, Blue Barracudas) and my main reason was the chief guest, an author I've admired for a long time and woman who, I feel, is totally with it! She's the bomb!:
Shobhaa De.

I spent the whole day feeling so excited and then suddenly she was right there in front of me! Shar and I ran down the auditorium only so I could go up to her and talk to her but I chickened out!! Boo on me, I tell ya.

But I got a second chance! *hops up and down in excitement*
I figured that the worst that could happen was that Shobhaa would probably consider me an idiot but it would be worth it if I could just talk to her and get an autograph.
I did it! I spoke to her!
I wanted to tell her I was a homeschooler but never really got around to it but I did manage to tell her that the first post on Number 9 Thoughts has been inspired by her book, Second Thoughts.
I was feeling a little giddy after that.
The press conference was brilliant.
She's a rebel.
I like that.
I think the youth can take away something from that... I hope they did!

Partying at Fuga happened in the night to add to my happy high!
All in all, BRILLIANT day!

sigh.

(I know I don't usually write such general posts but I've been too excited and had to let it out! =))

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Heavy.

I feel so alone.

I feel lost, with no direction and no one to turn to. I've always believed that the only person I ever needed was myself but then I made friends and realized that it's not a bad thing to want to lean on someone.
But the people I thought I could lean on are not dependable to me.
It's not that I don't care... it's just that I don't think they do... enough.

On a personal note, I feel very heavy. I feel lost in a maze that I created with every step I took, thinking I was walking in the right direction.
Now I'm lost.
I don't know which is out and which way is taking me in deeper. I hate this feeling of loss. This feeling of emptiness.
I hate regret... and it's what i am doing now.

Everything I stood for has fallen to bits and pieces... or at least that's how it feels. It's a little difficult taking in a breath because my heart skips a beat or two when I think about where I am.

I'm going to try and just be... just be right now but it's hard to do when I think about it.

I need a direction.
I need focus.

I need to need only me.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Contributing!

Hey people,

General post to let ya'll know that I am now an official contributor Shar's new blog

Treble Notes.

The blog's contributors are Shar, Princess Selene and myself. Since all three of us are ardent and passionate music lovers with our own personal preferences of genres, Treble Notes is going to have a vast array of music for you to choose from!
The idea is to introduce the world to songs and bands people probably have not heard of before!

So give it a look and a listen! I'm SURE you will definitely find something to suit your ears. =)

The link to the blog is on my blog roll!

Enjoy!

P.S. OOh, I'm SO excited!!
=)

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Elements

It's funny how life has changed. How we've all grown up and evolved. Emotions have molded themselves into maturity and maturity has molded itself into understanding and focus. People I once loved and still continue loving have all grown up into individuals to be admired in their own way....

...


It all started with a French course at the Alliance Francaise when I met a tomboy-ish, 'complicated', rebellious teenager of 18.
At that time, Princess Selene spelled "danger"... to my sister.
To me she was an escape from the 'boringness' that was my world.
She was an escape from duty.
The first friend I ever made; first person with emotions that were in her eyes rather than on her face; first person, other than my mother, to take care of and protect me like a lioness protects her cub; the first person who seemed to see the world as I did.
At that time, she was young... in comparison to today. Hardly able to handle her own emotions, she was busy taking care of others.
Weeping was easy for her... when no one was watching... maybe it still is.
Melancholy was in her every step.
Mistakes were all she made... or so she believed.
And then she grew up... Quite suddenly... Unexpectedly.
Today she is independent; goal-oriented; a multi-tasker (nothing new!); and still the person I would run to, call, depend on if I was stuck.
My memories of this city are almost ALWAYS associated only with her.
In my memories of this city and of that time that seems so long ago, there's a world full of fumes, literature, Shakespeare, lyrics, pain, happiness, tears, coffee, tea, singing at the top of our lung ("I looooveee iiit wheeenn weeeee're cruuuuuissin' togeeeether"), dancing in the middle of the road and Sunday afternoons... and somehow, in someway, every scene in my mind, has her in it.
For that, I thank her.


Shar was always quiet. The sweet, nice, naive, shy girl with innocent green eyes. Always helping; always there; no sense of direction!
She was and still is one of those people who make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
I saw her sitting across from me and the first thing I said was "Hi!" Never have I seen another person looking as shy as she did then.
She was probably also surprised at the random hug I gave her before leaving! But then again, I just love hugs too much.
Shar could never say "no"... sometimes she still has that problem.
But then, she grew up too.
She matured. She became dignified.
Today, she LIKES saying "no." A Lot.
And although her sense of direction still sucks a little, she's my best friend; my moral police. Always there when I need some sense; always there when I need someone to be different with me; when I need someone to share my principles and think the way I do; always there when I need someone to bitch with.
But most importantly, somehow, she's always just there... and she never goes away.
I thank my heavens for that.
Somehow, she seems to have grown up over night.
But it's okay... She's my green-eyed bunny. =)


Deb grew up gradually.
When I met her, she probably didn't like me. I tend to be too bubbly.
But then we got to know each other... those days when she would have nothing to do after college, she would randomly call me.
I don't quite know what we bonded over... I still do not know what we bond over... but that's the charm of it.
It's a bond that cannot be explained... it's the reason we're best friends... yhe reason we've been through thick and thin with no explanation as to why we're sticking it out with each other.
There's too much to describe and there aren't enough words.
It's us. =)


And then there's me... I don't think I grew up.
I AM growing up though.
When I finally get to drinking out of a glass, I'll let you know.
;-)

Much love.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Googly-Eyed Pancakes.

Morning rays of rainy haze
Through mist and fog.
Warm beams and weathered seams
Of soft pajamas and old, old frocks.

Tick-tocking clocks from years ago
And babies wailing in their cribs.
Laughing teddy bears and long flowing hair
I feel no need to purse my lips.

Washed away pain with the flow of sunlight
Frying pans sizzling and ovens trying to bake.
Lets sit here and laugh and stare out the window
While we eat our googly-eyed pancakes.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I just realized that the poem seens a lot like Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson. (I like the animation in this video.)
Must warn that it was not my intention. I just liked the sound of Googly-Eyed Pancakes. =)

Also, its sunny outside but its still cold!
I think the black clowds are coming my way.
Bliss!

Smokey clowds
and dribbling drops
of rain and happiness
in a world so lost
in concrete bliss and material waste;
Let's sit silently, confined to our sins
behind closed doors that let nobody in....
... to our world of 'make believe' ideals
and rules with no regulations.
Be my friend.
Be my rainbow.