I know, I know, it’s been quite a while since I’ve let my words loose on this page. It’s also taken me quite a while to search for new inspiration… but then I figured that maybe, just maybe, I can generate and regenerate that within myself.
After all, what’s more paradoxical than your own personality?
Much has happened in these past moments that I haven’t been here. I’ve been surfing on waves that I must admit I’m still floating on. Waves of hope, sorrow, doubt, guilt (just a little), pain, happiness, elation, giddiness, nostalgia and oh, bless me!, what not. But again, as I have said earlier, I will say again -- I love this feeling of over coming every one of them, those waves, those high waves. This feeling of a deeper understanding, a maturity gained with every passing moment, knowledge acquired about myself and the world around me. It thrills me, enthralls me and holds me captive.
I have asked myself a lot of questions, analyzed a lot of situations, refused to acknowledge certain ends and refused to step into new beginnings… but as the days go by and the deeper I swim in this ocean that I can call my own, I realize that taking my time is in no way a vice. After all, I’v got the rest of my life. Being stuck or not being able to let go of something, sometimes doesn’t mean that you haven’t tried hard enough.
I just want a concrete answer soon. One that gets me to some level of understanding with myself and the situation that I still seem to be stuck in. I want the answer/outcome to be what I want it to be… but that is far too much to hope for.
I just want to be able to stop feeling this pain.
Come out stronger and be able to swim deeper.