Monday, November 26, 2007

Every night...

... you cry yourself to sleep
Thinking "Why does this happen to me? Why does every moment have to be so hard?"
Hard to believe that it's not over tonight...
--- Maroon 5


Sometimes justifications are pretty much lost on us and the moments pass too fast.
I figure out things about myself everyday and those things make me ME.

Pour example:

I need to hang up every top that I have worn only once.
I love watching bubbles float and when they burst, I feel unnervingly sad.
I find a significance in almost every action one (or me) makes.
I over-think... and most of the time I'm justified.
I love the color red and will do anything to acquire that color -- no matter the form or material.
Red brings out my passion.
I am afraid to say things I think in the fear of hurting the other person... but when frustrated, nothing comes between me, the truth and my beliefs.
I am rigid when it comes to my beliefs... whether that is good or bad -- time will tell.
I love eccentricity -- I thrive off it.
As long as people believe I am a mere child, I feel safe.
I pick every vibe a person resonates.
I move my body with a person I am attracted to -- it makes me feel unconsciously sexual.
I am consciously impulsive.
If you are insecure, sooner or later, I will know and I WILL be disgusted.
My self-respect and integrity rule me.
My dreams signify the future.
My ambitions build me.

And those are just a few things.
Sometimes I wonder how we reach such conclusions about ourselves.
And I realize that it's the outside circumstances that bring us to such realizations.
Doesn't that make us all materialistic?

I question my own integrity.
I call it introspection.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Integrity?

I think I've lost it.

Seeing that face made me feel disgusted. In me, in my stomach and my heart, my mind and my soul; everything rattled with this sensation of utter disgust... and for only one person.

These are emotions that have changed faster than I could blink. What happened to the warmth?

I can only hope that this soul has not spread anything about me that I do not want... but suddenly... I do not put it past the individual.

I am hurt; angry; disgusted; sad... in pain.

How I wish I could just say "this is life" and move on... But I cannot!

This hurts far too much.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Bastards

What IS with the ignorance? It's beyond me.

All of a sudden I'm left out of all that involved me before?
Are you men SO scared of emotional confrontation?

Do yourselves a favor and muster some up.


I still sit and give the benefit of doubt saying "oh no. They'll let me know... Perhaps it's a surprise!"
Maybe it's time I stopped fooling myself and came out and accepted the truth:
As aloof as you think you are being, you men are only proving your lack of maturity and intense insecurity.

Shove a rod up your asses and if you can (please don't bust your brain cells) learn to accept things for what they are... rather than pushing me away.

Bastards.