Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Fuck Diplomacy; Maybe We Need Her.

What's morality?
Question it.
I'm not giving answers.

Someone asked me today if myths were real. My immediate response was to ridicule her... but then something inside me pulled at my vocal chords and in the process rendered me speechless.
Interesting question; whether it was innocently asked or formulated with deliberate precision.
I came up with an easy rhyming answer... or question:
If illusions were reality
And reality a myth
Would a myth be real then?
And would the world believe in it?

It's questions like these that make you contemplate the reality of it all.
What is reality? Is it what the world perceives it to be? Or is what we, as individuals, perceive it to be?
Something that is our reality could be someone else's myth/illusion... and vice-versa.
Hah.
Life.
What a fucking joke.

Sometimes, an easy escape is staring at the moon.
It's getting to be a cliche really.
Almost everything now is.

Superficial is the word.
The word to describe life today.

Sometimes it's better to get absorbed into a round bubble of fumes, coffee, rain and loneliness.
It's beautiful...
... if you're able to see the shine in the corner.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

It's All That Pitter Patter.

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now

The breeze whispered today. Spoke of moments that delved through realms of my mind that I had kept closed for oh-so-long. It isn't that I don't want to think... It's just that I've started detesting it a little too much. The thoughts always lead me back to the moon and flowing elms and rivers.

Silence is a mystery, isn't it? My own silence is a mystery. It shifts from bliss to whispers to cries and then to tears. Sometimes you just might hear my laughter... if you listen close enough that is.

I speculate a lot. Over in my mind... down in my heart. Sometimes I find all the answers I need and that scares me. Knowing what I have to do is something I don't consider a virtue. If it was... why would it scare me?

Knowing that I am being forced to let go of the hope that I had held onto for so long is a... disappointment?
No, it's a different kind of pain.

One I'll seek to heal soon.
Believe you me, I will!

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I saw the rain today.
I felt the rain today.
I tried kissing it...
... I can proudly say I succeeded.

Kissing something that's fleeting is almost like a soul lost.

Which brings me to this: a kiss.

When lips meet; when hearts skip; when body temperatures rise; when aggression takes over sanity; when tongues intertwine and bodies touch ever so slowly.

The innocence of one kiss is not something to be taken lightly... It can consume your being; It can make swoon... and sometimes... sometimes it makes you cry.
Tears of passion and a knowledge that consumes you... one that relies on your intuition.

Kisses bring happiness... sometimes they bring the forbidden... and sometimes they just drive away everything you thought you stood for.

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Everything
All my being
I accept your words
I know you are looking.

Peek in and out
Jump a little.
Maybe even shout.

I'll jump with you
Yell perhaps?
I can't be too loud.
Can you hear the claps?

The spirits fly
Softly and slowly
As you cry.

I'm wiping your tears
Don't you weep.
We'll waste our moments
And I shall be yours to keep.

Thursday, August 2, 2007

And it's treachery afterall.

I have spent months dwelling on that one person. A person I thought understood. A person I thought belonged to me... even if it's just a small part.
But again, I have been proved wrong.
Surprising how people turn out to be exactly what you thought they weren't.

Words for thoughts:
I gave you a part of my everything. I gave you a part of my thoughts. I gave you something someone else never got.. today I realize it was in vain.
Everything in vain!
What a fool I was to have believed you! A fool to have ever succumbed to yours words.
Words that I now realize were just filthy lies.
Riddles with ulterior motives I still do not understand.
I am trying to quench this bitterness towards new.
Such a new emotion.. never directed at you.
Never.
But everything changes.
Days when I took comfort in your thoughts... moments when your words would make me smile... Nights when your imaginary hands would make me writhe....... What a farce.
Just a farce.
I call myself foolish. A little, naive girl who fell into your hands.
Succumbed to the emotions you claimed were there.
Today I shall let you go. I will fight what I thought was real.
I'll bind you in my mind and put you away.
Discard you.
Tear you away with a ferocity that shall impact you.
If not now, then later.
But I will heed this pain; this bitterness; this recklessness that now courses through me.
The consequences will be experienced by you.
Intensely.
And I shall watch... and laugh in the glory.
The glory of my triumph.
And yet, oh the mirth!, I ache to know that you might ache for me.
But that is just lies. Nothing that I should believe.
-- No longer your anything.

These are the words I let rip from me.

It's called "Choice."

It's a dilemma.
Choosing a man you can have but just can't give you everything you need.
Choosing another man who never gave you everything yet he gave just enough to make you weep for his memories.
And then choosing yet ANOTHER man who gave you his all and then some more but who has now flown right into the future.

It helps no one when you're afraid of hurting people who now matter. Telling them you want them yet you don't.

It's like a flower that's just waiting to bloom but the season just won't come.
Then it's like a flower that's bloomed and just won't wilt.
And last of all, of a flower that grew, bloomed to glory and then wilted away faster than expected... and shall never return.
And I'm the dew. I get flicked off but I latch on in smaller droplets just as fast.

I need clarity.
Especially concerning the flower that refuses to wilt.