Saturday, June 30, 2007

Drowsy Mornings

It's 11.34 A.M and I just decided to grace the morning's light... or lack of it. This weather makes me want to go right back to sleep, pop a few and then crumble into that blanket; but alas! I can't do that... I got other fumes to inhale.

I woke up at 5.30 A.M with an asthma attack. I mean, c'mon, I'm so passed these things... or so I thought. Evidently, some people STILL don't get enough oxygen. My not-so-excessive-yet-excessive nicotine cravings don't help my tiny lungs much but that again is of no relevance.

Last evening I met 5 very interesting people. Deb, Sally, Princess Selene, A and Ar. Quite a pleasure.
A insisted that he never cheated on me... but Princess Selene (and a couple of thousand other women) know the truth. Hence, in consequence, I left him... But not for too long! He loves courting me!

Princess Selene never stopped with her stories... my particular favorite was the very-image-oriented story about the branch falling on the poor Activa man! ("machaa!")

Deb loves college. After yesterday, she likes horrid PJs that, I will admit, made me laugh AND choke on my fumes and the nasty coffee.

Ar is just the cutest. With a younger sister who sounds a lot like what I was (except I got the shrink), Ar is quiet adorable. (She wears the cutest headbands. Really.)

Sally! There's a soul I missed. Quite the Scorpio *whispers*. Quite the sweetheart.

On my way home, I pretty much saw my life flash by behind my glazed eyes; courtesy: my crazy auto driver and his obsession with speed.

I still feel quite sleepy but I need a caffeine high... which doesn't work much anymore but..
... Feck.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Ah. It's called "frivolous empathy"

The stars twinkle; the moon sings; the skies mumble; the wind blows; the night whispers... and then I weep.
I weep for the beauty.
I weep for it's pain.
I weep for the slumber lost on thoughts of melancholic empathy.
And then I weep yet again...
... for reasons that hold no significance.

"It's a marvelous night for a moondance..."

Sung with such honesty.
Especially on a night like this!

I can hear music. It's hums and jingles; sways and whispers; allures and cries.
The sound of melody is so profound.
So simple and honest.
We relate the beatings of our hearts with every swing of every note... of so many songs.

Tonight I shall dance with the stranger in the air and make love to the sounds of the symphonies that flow with the night.
Caught up in the breeze.
With the moon shining bright!

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Grab My Thoughts.

It's called Ignorance.
That's what's happening.
Neglecting.
.
.
.
.
Ignoring.
That's very evident.


Why can't the turn of events be what we want? Or wanted?
Those words are too hard to forget.

These actions are too harsh to not feel them.

Maybe it's time the emotions were addressed.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

It's All Gone Now.

And the past is truly the past today.
It all blew over.
It all got swept away.
I thought those emotions never mattered.
I thought that kiss never mattered.
Except...

I cared far more than I let myself believe. And now, when the time has come to let it all go, I am finding it hard.
But that's the irony of life... and just another nonsensical battle.
It's at times like these I rely on those famous words of Richard Bach
--If you love something, let it go.
If it comes back to you, it's yours
If it doesn't, it never was--

The irony of these words is that they aren't just for one person alone.
And today, at this very hour, I associate them with a person to whom I refuse to give more importance than I should.

I remember the first words.
The first confession of mutual emotion.
The first innocent; dewy; heartfelt conversations of shared thoughts and ideas.
The first words of unspoken, silent pain at the thought and realization that it isn't meant to be.
The first and last kiss, filled with abundant feeling.

And today, the last words of the emotions that are still there...
... But are well on their way to crumble.

I remember that face when I first saw it...
... Not so very long ago.
Under the bright, bright moon.
With a hint of a smile.
With more than a hint of something that was not just childish infatuation in those eyes.

It's like a love story that never quite started!

Let it blow over now.
Let it crumble.

It is easier to accept when the memories hurt.

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Happy Birthday, Princess Selene!

A year of laughter, tears and toil

A new light shines through all the trouble in the soil.

A grace on this land to keep you here

We hope you'll spread those wings soon this year.

No hope of the past, it's a wasted thought.

We are your present and all that you fought for.

These words aren't much

I have nothing more to give.

But at the light of every day

Without pain, I hope, you live.

Hope this year brings in less agony and pain!
kisses.
Your Girl Genius
(Yellow always was your color!)

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Suffocation

I have no way to turn.
I have no release.
I have no crutch.

I'm battling this inner turmoil.
I'm going over this brink that seems higher as the days go by.
I'm running out of options and choices. I'm losing all sanity.
I don't seem to be able to take my soul away and neither am I able to live with it.

It's getting quite hard to breathe these days.
I can't stand the disgust and the tension.
The nervousness is taking over my being and my mind.
My heart and my soul.

I think I have to let myself fly.
How do I do it painlessly?

Sunday, June 3, 2007

Claustrophobia

It's suffocating.
This fear and disgust for one person is over-whelming.
This sudden urge to mystify every aspect of the soul.
To block out the negative and let go of the vices.
Vices that were/are living.

When you're taken over with the feeling of being used, the only rational, self-respecting action to take is to cut all connection with that one source.
And it is the action I take now.
With this feeling of vengeance and hatred.

It's like a yielding a bloodied sword only to drive it in with more force.
The bloodied sword is my wounded self-respect.
The body that's impacted is the soul of the past.

Let tomorrow come.
Let the new dawn set.

It's a new life.
Without any suffocation.
Without any fear.

And definitely with more strength.