Monday, April 30, 2007

Realizations

"Let it out, Let it out
Don't get caught up in yourself.
It's not over
I'll try to do it right this time around
It's not over
Part of me is dead and in the ground."
-- 'It's Not Over' by Chris Daughtry.

These are the words running in my mind right now.
I feel alone and lost. I don't want this feeling. The knots in my stomach, the yearning for something I do not know, the knowledge of the truth that is yet to occur.
I have not one release in this world and not one hand to hold on to.
It's all gone.
Crumbled to dust.

I have tried to analyze only to fail; tried to pick up the pieces only to learn that there is no puzzle; tried to call out only to realize that there is no one at the end of the tunnel; tried to give only to know that there is no one to receive; tried to ask only to find that there is no one to give.
An reinforcement.
I have me and me alone.
And I am losing that strength that held me up.

A part of me is charred and numb. I can't wait for the moments to pass. I can't hurt the way I am. The physical pain of the emotional burden hinders my activities and my mind from moving forward.
I need a release.
And there is no one.
No one.

Tears and laughter... these fluctuating emotions drain me.
They suck every bit of being and feeling from me.
Understanding is so very different from being. And I am living the reality...

... The souls outside the realm of my body are only empathizing.

Can you still say you understand?


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