Sunday, April 29, 2007

Fear and Possibilities

The realization of life has hit me. There could be another one and I am afraid I might be right. If I am, what course will my life take? What course will my family take? And what course will my comfort and I take?
It is scary and I am scared... with a justified reason.
What is it that makes life do turn-abouts and attack us the way it has attacked me?
I have no answers and I can only hope that my intuition is wrong.
This feeling in my stomach that can be either spiritual or reality.
How I wish that it is the former and not the latter.

Today, sitting in that coffee shop with my 4 favorite women, I could not concentrate on the conversation taking place. All I could think about was what was going on inside of me. What was churning my heart, mind and body into the frenzy that it is in now.
An reinforcement of those thoughts are the sensations going through me right now.
The irony of life is astounding.
It is something to be contemplated and dwell ed on.
Something to laugh at and cry about.
Something to look forward to... yet dread.

When I want something so badly but having it could alter the course of my life.... forever.
And I now realize that I need a support that does not exist outside the realm of my mind, heart and soul.
It is within.
Within me and within every heart beat... beats of mine.
Ours.
And after finding that strength... I need the strength from my comfort and my friends.
I need the support.
And I need the love.
Above all else, I need the love.

All this being said under the presumption that I am right.
And right in a way that I wish I wasn't.

Fear encompasses my body right now and grips my heart.
Let it pass..
Please, help it pass.

--Life within me and churning for you
I yearn to want to you but you're wanted by few.
Alone and forlorn, I battle myself
To believe what is right and forget all else.
Am I wrong to want when you aren't in me?
Or am I right to give up what I cannot see?
Will you come again and make me swoon?
Will you make me cry and be my moon?
Should you exist or must you not?
I need these answers but everyone forgot.
I am alone and no one to hold me
You just might imaginary...
... But I'll believe that you're talking to me.
I'll live with the knowledge that you give me comfort
And that as our hearts beat in me
We'll come out on top;
We'll be our firsts.

No comments: