Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Disappointment Prevails

Alas, no such luck of any kind of surprise today! (I know, very contradictory to the fact that I hate surprises.)
The day is almost over (it's 5:04 P.M) and nothing big to surprise me.
Now here is a simple question: WHY am I so disappointed?

Today was thoughtful. As usual, no amount of serious introspection was done but a lot of dwelling on the past was accomplished.
And I'm not talking about the recent past... I'm talking about "way back" when I had "the" problems.
Thinking about me then, I realize I wasn't a very friendly kid. Too much anger. The best (worst?) part about me now is that I control it.
There are still times when it consumes me, and my body and mind goes into a rapture of heat and hate, but I over-come it; wrapping myself in fumes and the night's breeze.
Feet tapping, fingers moving, lips mouthing words I do not remember, head bopping... and thoughts consuming.
Rationality plays no role at times like these.
Letting go to the consuming hate is so easy.
Drifting away from everything and everyone for those moments is bliss.
Listening to the sounds of the night and feeling the burning in my throat is peace.
And hearing my voice inside my head is comfort.

Does this mean that I have only me to call a friend?
Or does it mean that I PREFER having only me to call a friend?

CONCLUSION: I need to do some fucking introspection.

-- Spin my web
Toss and turn in bed
Dwell of the musings
And the fingers pointed at me, so accusing!
I'll figure it out, don't you worry
Call me a coward?
You'll be sorry!

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